Before I begin this post, I want to say that in no way do I have this transition all figured out. After going through the first year of having two kids, I am just now able to reflect on the thoughts, hopes and fears I had going into this season. Now looking into the future as they grow, I can see just how quickly things ebb and flow. These first years bring so much change, that each routine I develop quickly changes, but there was so much growth during that time… and we get a front row seat to it all. If the Lord calls you to something, He will give you the grace for it. He has called you to be mama to your little ones and His mercies are new each morning.
When I was pregnant with Clay, I remember wondering what the transition from 1 to 2 kids would look like. To give you context; our two kids are 22 months apart. Lylah was 21 months when Clay was born, we had recently moved across the country and when Lylah was 18 months, I weaned her from breastfeeding. I knew we needed to wean her from a pacifier and transition her to a big girl bed, but I had read that if you can avoid it, its best to not do any major changes 3 months before or 3 months after a new baby (so we saved that for later). She was also born at the start of the pandemic, so she really had all of my undivided attention, but I also knew she was ready to be a big sis. She was excited and so much of how the transition would go would be how I handled it and talked about it with her.
Around 20 weeks, I used a question box to ask what was the best part and the hardest part about going from 1 to 2 kids and here were the responses:
The best part vs. the hardest part
The best part:
- You have a little helper
- Watching them learn to care for one another
- Seeing your older child step up in little ways in their new role
- The newborn stage feeling easier since we have done it once before
- Watching your older child slowly become more selfless
- Your babies become friends
- Seeing your older child treat their sibling with the love you have demonstrated to them
- Hearing them both laugh together
- Finding ways to help your older help where they can
The hardest part:
- Finding a new balance in the beginning
- Nursing your baby when your toddler needs something
- Not having enough hands
- Learning to embrace the chaos
- Lowering your expectations, then lovingly lower them more
- When their sleep time isn’t in sync
- If the baby has a rough night, still needing to get up with your toddler
- Safely unloading and loading the car
- Divided attention; wanting to be everything for everyone
Preparing your toddler to become an older sibling
Reading books and talking with Lylah was the most helpful way to make the transition a smooth one. We read, “I am a big sister” by Joanna Cole. There is also a big brother version or “Waiting for baby”. Our words are powerful and even if your toddler isn’t talking much. They may not be at the age to say, “I understand” or talk back and fourth with you about it, but they will hear what you are saying and the more you repeat it the more they will understand. I would say phrases often, “You are going to be a great big sister when your baby brother arrives”. I involved her in setting up the baby bassinet with time for her to explore it and get used to it being in our room. She helped me wash and fold the baby clothes and each time we did tasks to prepare for him, I would talk with her and say things like, “When your baby brother arrives, mommy will feed him milk” or “This is where your baby brother is going to sleep at night.”
Involving vs. entertaining
After Clay was born, the most helpful mindset for me was to find ways to involve Lylah in this transition rather than entertaining her. Although new toys or books were helpful, I knew she always wanted to be with me. When I was nursing Clay, Lylah had a special basket of toys that I brought out just for that time which helped during the feeding, but I would involve her in things along the way. I had a baby doll close by with a diaper and wipes, a bottle and a baby carrier. We had her use a baby doll to change her baby’s diaper right next to me or she would even nurse her baby while I did. Involving Lylah in bottle feeds or diaper changes took longer and we took our days slow, but I found there to be less issues because it gave her confidence in her new role as an older sibling. I would let her to feed Clay a bottle which was one of her favorite things. When I could get the chance, I would baby wear or use Clay’s nap time to read a book or bake with her for the one on one time she was craving.
When preparing for the transition, I came across a parenting post that was a helpful reminder to me. It suggested that I refrain from using the baby as an excuse as to why you can’t do something or go somewhere with your toddler. So instead of saying, “We can’t go to the park because the baby is napping” I would say, “We can go to the park when your brother wakes up!” or instead of saying, “I can’t read you the book right now because I am feeding the baby”, I would try and say, “I would love to read a book with you. I will be ready in 5 minutes”.
You are the mama for the job!
You are seen, heard and loved for being the mama that your babies need. The adjustment to a new baby is big for everyone. If you haven’t quite had your baby yet, or maybe will have children in the future and would love to bookmark this to come back at a later date. A blog post just seemed right! If you have any other topics you would like me to discuss, feel free to email or direct message me and I would be happy to talk with you about it and cheer you on!
I’ve gathered up 15+ items that were helpful to use during the transition and you can shop them here