Recently, I have been wanting to write blog posts about things that all parents think through; items you need for a new baby, breastfeeding, transitions, routines and discipleship because although no person has the right way of doing something; we can all pull from one another. I often look to how other people have walked through a transition or season to help me navigate it. We definitely don’t have it all figured out and we are still learning. We’ve done this transition once, but Clay could have a different experience. Just like with any parenting decision, you should always do what’s best for your family. Hopefully what worked for us can be a helpful tool, but it may not be the best way for your family and that’s ok!
Room sharing
While we are renting in California, we are in a two bedroom duplex so naturally our kids share a room. However, I am all about room sharing; it encourages empathy for siblings, teaches boundaries and nurtures a sweet bond. It does require conversations about respecting each other’s sleep and getting used to noises in their room, but overall I’m a fan. At the beginning of last August, Clay was in a bassinet in our room and started sitting up so we knew it was time for a transition. At the time Lylah was 2 years (and 5 months) old. She was sleeping in a crib with a pacifier (that she only used when she slept), a sound machine and she was encourage the excitement of something new.
Talking through the transition
About once a day for two weeks, we began having conversations with her and I would say things like, “Soon, you will share a room with your baby brother” to help introduce the idea. After Noah and I talked, we decided to pair the transition of a big girl bed with getting rid of the pacifier. We talked it up often that when she had a big girl bed she wouldn’t need to use her pacifier. The week before the transition I would have her fill in the sentence: “When Clay uses your crib and you get a big girl bed, that means…. She would say, “no more pacifier”.
The first few nights
On her first night there were no issues or tears she even said, “I want to go to sleep in my big girl bed. I can do it all by myself, no pacifier!” On the second night, it took 30 minutes longer and some tears for her to fall asleep because she wanted her pacifier. We said a prayer, sang some songs and I rubbed her back. Clay slept in the bassinet in our room a little longer to ease the transition before putting him in the same room. Slowly we started having Clay nap in the same room for awhile and then at night.
We also got a lock for the front door at night time for an extra measure of safety that doubles as a child lock. Since Lylah asks to let our dog Cali out during the day, we knew that she understood how to use the front door. Thankfully, she has never even touched the front door at night, but it eased my mind when going to bed.
Every child is so different, but here are a few things that helped for us:
- Weaning the pacifier to only use it when sleeping and then not at all
- Talking about the transition 1-2 weeks with fill in sentences
- I took her shopping to get the mattress and let her pick the bedding out and made the bed together
- Acknowledging to her that no pacifier and change is hard/It’s ok to bed sad
- Saying a prayer out loud about it with her
The next few weeks
As time went on, Lylah fell out of her bed a a few times in the middle of the night which of course startled her awake. Her bed is so low to the ground that she climbed back in and I came in to comfort her, said a prayer and she went back to bed. We had to work through waiting to get out of bed or being woken up when Clay cries, but they will continue to learn and go through transition. It’s always hard even on parents to have such a big transition and see your child in tears because of the hardship. Currently 9 months later, they usually nap in separate rooms, but they do sleep in the same room and enjoy sharing a room.
The cross we bear
Noah has always been the MVP of encouraging words and here is the wisdom he shared with me; “A parental decision like this is necessary for growth and maturity. We made the choice and we have to keep it for the duration of this decision no matter how many times it’s hard. Learning comes at a price but discipline is actually a marker of love.
Showing our children that it’s time to move on comes with pain as parents because we don’t want to see our kids “suffer”. But they is not suffering, they are learning. This is a cross we bear as parents. It’s a cross when you feel something on both sides- the need that benefits the child, but the compassion you feel for them when they are going through pain.”